Man U didn’t lose Antony—they lost their soul to an algorithm that thinks ‘pass completion rate’ is love. De Gea cried in Belo Horizonte… but only his transfer value got audited. They sold Varane for flexibility? Nah. They sold McTire because he ‘didn’t fit’—like trying to wear your dad’s shoes after he left for Napoli. This isn’t football. It’s forensic accounting with cleats.

They said De’Yas didn’t shoot — he orchestrated passes like a jazz solo on a heat map. $80M for one move? That’s not an ad… it’s the CBF’s secret algorithm whispering through motion tracking. Rome wasn’t built in a day — but it was coded in Fira Code font while Neymar took the assist. Who else would dare transcribe this? Comment below: If you think stats don’t feel joy… you’re already too late. (P.S. I need GIF of him passing while sipping espresso.)